In all honesty; as much as I love to write and conjure words with the wand of only pen and paper — I barely read. This was an exception, for the first time in a long time. I was looking for something to relate to, something real and raw – a type that we often yearn for in books but never find, after all — they’re all fantasies, things to long for, to desire — when I wanted something that I could see myself in. Through my search, I had discovered Hold Still by Nina Lacour, and despite going into it without a single amount of hope nor expectation, I came out with a desire to share this book with others. Imperfect and utterly flawed yet powerful and emotional, it stirs something inside of you with how its written and carefully handcrafted. Described as a riveting tale of a teenage girl dealing with the loss of her friend; the discovery of a journal, the remorse and guilt that comes with it as well as the healing process — this …
A short playlist of mellow piano tunes to melt away your troubles; compiled by me and Matthew on a gloomy Thursday’s summer afternoon.
I went out to Punta Fuego — located in Nasugbu, Batangas for a summer weekend; the sights were pretty breathtaking and let’s say that even just the shortest of local trips really invigorate oneself to the beauty of the world around you. Needless to say, my lust and desire to travel and wander (to perhaps even farther places, sometimes you really miss the stale airplane meals since the feeling of the sky descending beside you is something that really enlightens you; counting city lights like the stars, and all the like) has really surged. As a collection of keepsakes from a minuscule 2-day trip, here are some photos and a short guide-by of the trip; though of course — incomparable to taking in a vivid landscape before your own eyes.
A quick update. In all honesty; I haven’t done as much this summer as I would have liked. I got into a lot of new things, and most especially started diving in (for the very first time) and indulging myself on an instrument that I have always wanted to play. Additionally, the threat of university and the future and all that has been creeping up on me; as in totality — it truly decides where I am headed. With the time of a little less than three weeks before an intensive junior year starts; I figured that I should start doing (and actually completing) some projects that I’ve started in the past and doing some things that are actually beneficial and of use – things that could mean a lot to where I am going, my goals, and the like.
1.) I think, those were the days when I should have been a little more reckless. In a way that I assumed more control than I usually did — in a way that I stopped letting them get a hold of me, everything I say, everything I do. I think it’s time to let go, to let loose and show them who I really am — but that isn’t the case. Beyond this husk of a person they deem in a forever-lasting nadir, the prickling of skin and the drops of blood as if they were shed tears. In the kindest, most terse way as possible — I concede to them; maybe I am magnanimous to some, to others I am just the word weak instilled into the waking world over and over.
I have heard a ton of good things about the Fjällräven Kånken and ultimately decided to order one; just in time for colors that I’ve always wanted to be stocked up again. Residing in the Philippines, online ordering isn’t exactly the easiest process due to the nature of customs and the national post office – which most if not all packages have to pass through. In all honesty; when I ordered my package I was extremely afraid due to all the horror stories regarding Philpost that have come to my attention. Researching on it more online doesn’t exactly calm one’s anxieties either – it pretty much made me fear for the worst even further. Surprisingly, my package arrived fine and intact — although it did require further research on my part and wasn’t the most flawless or smooth process. So in case anyone else is interested in ordering a Kånken bag online or have a package for them – here’s my experience and what I had to go through, bundled up with a short and simple …
On May 9th, the Philippines continued its march towards democracy. Fingers were stained with lasting ink, the ground was littered with name-plastered paper and shredded coercion; I rested in the throes of my home, travelling and watching the empty highways fading against the skies like they never had before. A bystander to the events that mold the experience of my generation. In two years, I join their ranks and get to have my fingers stained with the blood of freedom — but for now, all I can do is discuss, learn, and speak. Never have I been so maddened, never have I sworn upon my inability to make a name for myself. Never have I scorned this nation for the lack of education, the ignorance and blasphemy that cycles over and over – the disgust that I feel at all the death threats thrown at me. This is a child’s cry; this is the beginning of a wish, this is the start of the fear she holds in her own country.
Borrowing from French: bête noire (literally “black beast”). When I tread on the age-old cement running down the mountains; my mind brings up stern warnings left on the trembles of my mother’s lips. “Do not trust strangers,” looking for the affirmation in my gaze, nods done over and over — I understood, I understand, etcetera. “Do not follow anyone you don’t know,” like reading off an old book, proverbs told time after time from her mother, and then the mothers before her, “only trust your family.” Yet in those brokenly repeated words, I felt the fear clinging onto the teeth marks left on the edges of her lips. So was a mother’s bible, written to protect and nurture, from the very own birthplace she raised you in.