What am I fueled by?
A self-assessment at nineteen. I hope to write this every year.Some of these are merely blatant truisms, but I’m nineteen and have so much more to learn about and uncover and are a start to where I must ground myself.
All posts filed under: thoughts
a mind split into uncountable fragments, thinking of everything and anything in infinite instances ?
In midway
I’m no exception when it comes to feeling like I’ve aged decades in the past two weeks, when in reality I’m just nearing my second one. In my sophomore spring, I received and then lost an internship offer in America, was near-evicted from my college and then received dozens of messages of support in the form of housing and food from people all over the country, danced in the––for the first time ever––empty school courtyard that I have overlooked for the past eight months and will for the next two years, and broken down alone figuring out what of my life to throw away then keep, and so on.
october’s series of trailing thoughts
Alone on the New Haven green at 4AM on a Sunday morning. In this moment of time I wonder why I am and all I ever will be. I wonder what it must feel like to be rich and have the ability to throw everything away into a sabbatical, pray myself a meaning. I’ve been praying for sixteen years and it brought me nowhere. What does it feel like to have everything and want to reduce yourself to nothing? What must it feel like to have the liberty of finding yourself and doing the right thing when you have the liberty of freedom and choice? __ Finished two midterms. Thinking ridiculously deeply about the bigger picture: what I’m working for, why I’m here. How much time is left there? I can’t say I’m alone — I never really am. The whole world is there with me, but I haven’t been with it. Reading about protests in Hong Kong. The LRT on fire. Figuring out how I can structure words better after I think about code …