I am doing things, at least I hope so. In the holidays, I did not go home and spent most of my time working (earning money, and working on side projects) and watching a lot of movies. Other things I got into at different points of time were incremental games (quite significantly, as I was trying to piece together what made Universal Paperclips was so different from other games). Leading User Experience Society at Yale — we’re one of few (? none?) design organizations at Yale. UXSociety is a chapter of an undergraduate design organization first started in Ateneo by Alexis Collado (alexis if you see this i am very worried about meeting your expectations). We have big plans on projects we want to ship, and I have big ideas on how to instill a new design culture across the entire student body. Developh launched a site, is working on a website redesign, and is actually more active in output and impact than ever. With the growth of our leadership and the expansion of our scope and skill, I’m coming to terms with how organizational structures and systems best operate–especially when working with remote teams across shifting cultures–which is a interesting dimension that not a lot of Manila-based people think about. I’m interested in exploring that more since it has been fundamental to my approach and attitudes towards our work, but objectively: the growth of our community and education programs has been amazing. Continuing creative work at the Yale Center for Collaborative Arts & Media, my favorite place on-campus that is still a bit of a secret. There is almost no record of me on-campus. There will be little to no footage of how I have lived here. I will never be able to pick apart these same nights from one another in the most special four years of live. I think that’s incredibly endearing of me—to live so little. Stuff Intern.ph, an interactive fiction page… Future In First Reformed (2017), a main gripe is a character who is an extreme environmental activist (not exaggerated anyway, but raw in despair and so, hauntingly empathetic — someone truly fighting) that believes it’s unjust to bring humans into this dying world. This is a main point of contention until he kills himself. I have been thinking a lot about how, in the midst of the Taal eruption, the deaths of people IMore?
You are busy. Preparing for something, waiting for something, getting somewhere. I place the most selfless thing that I have made for myself scribbled on the back of a workshopped poem. It is a love letter addressed to myself, signed from myself. It is unsealed and vulnerable. It is hastily written in pen from a conference where I had to pretend to be someone. It is the rawest thing that I had ever known. For the first time in a long while, I ate well. There is a Starbucks in the corner that I visit in early mornings and late afternoons; yesterday, my emptiness echoed into a lecture hall, and then a library, and then the guards checking my bag as I stretched back to my dorm. My nightly fixation is how the drone of my stomach is equivalent to a bomb: that is, it is atomic and resonant and pierces everyone’s ears, that is, it is likely disregarded and forgotten by everyone else in history but the people it has directly inflicted, that is, I exaggerate and wince at the thought of me clutching a stomach fueled for days on cereal every other day and a bag of kale chips that one time. Last night was different, though. I waste twenty more dollars. I wash all my bowls and utensils for no reason and unseal the others while discarding the sushi containers. I clean my room and study for a test I am unsure I will take. When I put things inside of myself to make sure that the body is still there, I am sure that one day I will feel it when it is freed. There is a dream where I lay in bed and I watch her knees on the ground with the growing lacerations and scraping at the neck. I take care of this image. I become her. I become everything I ever wanted to be.